Others

This week we are supposed to write about 'others' or someone/something other than you. As you know, my 'others' are people who are not African-American.

I am happy to report that Damali Ayo is correct in her assessment of 'other' than African American people. I tried the hairstyle pictured just to test her theory that people love to touch ethnic hair. There is truth to this. This experiment has started a little slow but I hadn't been out of my office much yet this morning. Whamo! My very first outing I got a taker.

Incident # 2

She pushed her chair back from her desk, beaming with excitement. "Oh your hair looks great!" Slowly she inched forward. towards me. It It was incredibly difficult for me not to give the 'don't you dare touch my hair' face. I usually wear it with a badge of courage daring anyone to reach my head without a gentle slap. I did not panic nor give the vile look.

"Is this the way you hair really is?"
"Is this the way your hair looks when you go to bed"
"How did you get it to do that, did you just twist it around?"

(Those are real comments by the way)

I did not panic. The excitement and enthusiasm people have this morning as I roam though offices with my new quaff has been amazing. "Your hair looks really cute." My prime target did not touch my hair but she moved towards my desk debating whether or not it would be rude or workplace appropriate to touch. I observed her jerky body movements, it reminded me of an automatic car left to idle forward at a light when the brake is only halfway released. She just kept getting closer and closer without reaching her hand out. I could build an entire scenario around this but I won't. I am amazed that it really is true though. I could not imagine the horror that someone who wears a more natural style must go through every day.

What Damali said is funny but hauntingly on point. She explained that people don't even ask permission before they touch. They fondle you like a new toy or child needing careful inspection when they are injured. Worse, as if assessing your worth at a slave auction. I waited to hear, "Open your mouth" so the buyer could inspect my teeth also. I know that today will bring more comments, ridiculous questions and perhaps more touches. My boys have explained that they get sick of people constantly touching their hair all the time. How long will others not realize that touching someone in that way is not appropriate? I would say that I didn't ask for anyone to inspect me in this way but I did. The question though becomes, if any African-American wears their hair in any ethnic style though does it automatically give others the right to demean you with their actions.

Incident #1

I must back up and explain the scenario from yesterday. Yesterday I brought in a picture of my husband with Nita's little boy propped up on the handlebars of his motorcycle. He is obviously a white baby, very cute with stunning blue eyes. I walked them around in the office and also showed them to anyone who approached me at my desk. Some people automatically knew who he was which impressed me. This shows that they do at least care about me as a person. The shocking thing that really took me to the true nature of the 'others' was the fact that only three people ask his name. On the surface it would seem that my experiment failed but it did not.

I found it interesting that people didn't even care about who these people were exactly. I was touched by the three people who ask who he was and his name. I offered as little information as possible to people and let them do the talking instead. The most outrageous comment I got was, "Now is this your little boy."

I haven't decided yet what the next experiment will be. The day is not over and I plan to make a couple more rounds around the office so as not to miss anyone for todays quaff theory. Some other interesting notes though, a "brown" man (a Caribbean nation I think, it will make sense in a minute) passed through the hall and another man who knew him validated yet another theory of Ayo's. She says that people feel like because you are African-American or in this case a dark brown skinned Caribbean man that they can speak your language or what they think is your language.

This guy shouts above the roar of other voices in the building, "HEY MAWN" I casually shook my head and thought, oh Damali you are so right.