Grief, Eating, and Living Again

Grief

I keep obsessing on Nita's death but I know that it has been less than a month since it happened. I keep trying to balance that with my 'real life' emotional state. There are so many ups and downs in the grieving process. The scariest part of all is that I know how I react to extreme emotional stressers like this period of grief. This time I chose to share that photo that circulated with her obituary. Now do you get it? Beautiful, beautiful girl. I see that face and it haunts me. (Click on the title above to read the newspaper story.) My new mantra is, "Don't beat yourself up, it has been less than a month."

Eating

Okay, this Los Beto's thing is getting out of hand. Again my husband comes home with his carne asada burrito from Los Beto's. I keep thinking about having to cruise over to a coffee shop or something to write tomorrow for an assignment but instead all I can think about is my Los Beto's experience. There is an article hanging up in the restaurant raving about the food and lamenting because the writer feels like since they are open 24 hours, they need a restaurant downtown to be closer to the drunks. Somehow they find their way to the other locations though. I thought about a late night or early morning trip myself to sit there with my laptop and write. It has to be much more interesting than hanging out in a coffee shop. How about a nail shop. I do need to go and get my nails done this weekend.

Think about it, all of these crazy sectioned places we go. One time I was in the nail shop and heard how this girl had just dumped her Marine boyfriend. She just could not handle his war experience.

I'd better focus more on my Los Beto's experience. Oh dang I almost forgot there were these two girls in there maybe eighteen, most likely younger. Okay now, I can understand feeling like you are totally cute and wanting to share that with the world but there are limits. This one girl had on shorts, maybe I should just call them underpants. They were barely shorts. Why? Maybe I am just getting old but it seems like people feel free to wear less and less clothing in pubic places. Freaky girl had on panty-shorts. They provided a little more coverage than panties but you could barely call them shorts. I won't belabor this too much more but she thought she was TOTALLY Miss Thang. I often wish for a Los Angeles breakawy moment at times like these. My family does not allow me to do the 'loud talk thing'. I felt the words begging me to blurt something out but I restrained my tongue. Gross! Check it, panty-shorts make you look like a complete fool.

Okay, this is even freakier. Who sunbathes in the Quad at BSU? It took me like ten steps after I passed her and then I thought, what, wait a minute why is she laying out in the Quad in a bikini? People are weird or I am old. I don't think I am old I just think people are strange. Don't even let me get started on the skin cancer and the premature aging that will come form the sunbathing. Sunbathe now, Botox in 15 years when you are all shriveled up. Thank goodness, good black don't crack. I think of it as a natural savings plan.

I better stay on topic. Eating, Los Beto's burritos and the experience I had. Oh, just save it for next time.


Living Again?

I think I am.