Nice Guy and Total Jerk

We have a family friend who is seen as just an all around nice guy to some but a complete jerk to others. I tend to lean more on the all around nice guy side when it comes to this young man of twenty-three. At least I feel this way this week. I've seen him in both realms. This week though I think he is a nice guy. People do not give him credit for being as caring as he is.

Don't you just love young people? The thrill of being gung-ho about yourself and confident that you know everything that life will throw at you. Fully deceived by your own unwillingness to listen to anyone but yourself and your friends who are the same age. This dark haired man is tall and lean with a winning smile that has charmed the pants off of one or two ladies, more like ten or fifteen no doubt but that's his secret and I really don't want to go there. I am not one of them. I'm old so he's more like the little brother type.

Anyway, he got into a big tiff with his brother and parents last night. They attempted to expose all of his demons but he in turn questioned theirs. As you may have guessed, this never goes over well. Then add a little alcohol to the situation and needless to say it turned an ugly shade of reality that nobody wanted to face. My nice guy/jerk friend was devastated emotionally by the way he was treated by his parents when they attempted to point the finger at him. He retaliated or came to his own defense and reminded them that there were four fingers pointing back at them. Eventually, he honestly broke down. Between the stress going on in his life and the lack of support from anyone he felt like his life was emotionally bankrupt. I am hurt that he was wounded this way.

What does it take to bring a strong-willed man down to his knees? Only the disapproval and accusations of the people most of us hold most dear--our parents. He was correct in his assessment of his own life and asking why his parents are so upset with him for modeling much of the same behavior he saw from them as he grew up. It was a truth hurts epiphany that nobody was willing to discuss but him. I was not there but herd the blow by blow account from one of my 'Drama Queen' friends that witnesses the entire affair. She explained how hurt he was.

I can only imagine the fire flickering and then extinguished from his eyes. Eyes can tell so much and he wears his emotion right there in his eyes. He may have a shaggy beard one day, a clean cut goatee the next, maybe baby-faced and bare the next day but all of his emotions wait to be discovered behind his brooding brows that are the final sentries that protect him from others. This was no bump in life, in my opinion, I think they tried to kill him, a little prize for his honest assessment of how his failures really are part of the failings of his parents. For me, the entire experience solidifies the idea that words can be so harmful to others. It made me shake my head and think no wonder he is all screwed up. He had no choice but to be a dysfunctional adult. Recovery?

I hope he can recover from this terrible tangle with truth. There are all of those catchy bumper sticker and poster sayings that assure you that life is tough but if you buck up enough you can overcome the obstacles of life. What if he can't and what about all of the others who never recover from the hurtful words and disapproval inflicted by the ones you love the most? I want to tell him that I know what happened to him, and mother him in some way and tell him he's a good kid on the verge of great things in his life. People do not always accept these words as truth from friends because they know that most generally that their friends like them. I hope that when I am able to talk to him about this that I can express myself in a way that will not demean him as just the old motherly friend.

You betcha though he can be a real jerk. This guy is too kind and ladies see things in him that make them crazy in love with his smile and his dark wavy hair. He's not exactly a love them and leave them type he's more of the love them and string them along until one girlfriend finds out about the other girlfriend. This gives him just the right amount of jerk quality. I guess as long as you are not romantically involved with him you are safe to call him an all around nice guy. At the end of the day, he will always help a friend in need and is a hard worker, he broke his hand in a scuffle with a guy (his neighbor) when the guy was assaulting his girlfriend in the other apartment. The neighbor told him to mind his own business and my friend showed the guy what it was like to get beat up. He risked life and limb over a woman he didn't even know.

He's rowdy when he drinks but fun when he's not. At twenty-three he's seen more than I ever want my own kids to experience in a lifetime. At the end of the day, I hope to get the chance to talk to this young man and instill some wisdom and confidence in him, he needs to be able to love himself. In my opinion, his parents should be glad that he has not vowed to turn his back on them completely after the things that were said. A lesser man would have walked away forever.