And...

Another week! Boy was I yucked out the last couple of weeks. I got bogged down with death and being disgruntled about everything. I finally had to take a step back, let my brain catch up with the constant movement of my life. I am so busy with kids, school, work, and home. I sat down with my boss so he could do my review. At the end of the review he ask if I had any questions or comments. I told him I was just happy to have made it through the last year. He had kind of an odd look on his face at first until he started to think about everything that has transpired over the last year. This time last year I was freaked out because Billy and who knows who else had broken into our house, my husband was gone away to a war I want to be OVER, and I was doing the single parent thing. So yeah, I was happy to make it through the last year.

We don't see things from a full perspective sometimes. We get shifted into little pockets of the last two to four weeks and view our lives in smaller increments. I am intrigued by the increments and how they become the judge of such large blocks of time. Why do we all do this? Is it a self preservation thing? A design characteristic that protects people from burnout or better yet, keeps us all stupid. Think about it! If you had a tough year like I did, why would you want to look backwards? Viewing our lives in small bites keeps us fresh and on our game. It also keeps us from being overwhelmed in a way if our lives are tumultuous. Joys and tragedies are often remembered too. I accept that, but looking at your life in small bits propels most of us to move forward.

Think about it a little and hopefully you'll see where I am going with this. If you can remember a very difficult time in your life, even if you are going through another difficult time you can take little snippets from other difficult times so that you don't feel hopeless. I know there are others that feel as if they are hopeless and that breaks my heart. For the most part people see themselves in this temporary slash shortened slash incremented state which in itself gives hope to many of us. I hope as you read today that you are not a hopeless person. Hopelessness is its own destructive state of being.

If you are hopeless, downsize your thought. Make it through today, the next, and the day after. You'll make it, all of us do, providing we still want to move forward. I just really feel it on my heart to tell you unknown person, hope is possible. I'll be real honest with you, you must have faith in God. People seem to think themselves above faithfulness in a God they can't see. It's really a hilarious notion when you think about it. I was having a conversation with one of my boys and we talked about Nita's dad. For many years he's wanted nothing to do with church or anything preachy. Death though is a funny thing, it makes you question what you REALLY believe. Not many people are comfortable with denying the existence of God when someone close to them dies.

Nita's dad has said, "she's in a much better place...she's looking down on us right now," okay that's all fine and good but you cannot deny that there is a God completely and make a statement like that. Question yourself and what you think you believe. I've got some really bad news for you. If you believe that people die and go to heaven, you do not believe in nothingness. I've even heard people say things like, their spirit this or that. Okay, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to know that if you believe that people have a spirit that it had to have come from somewhere.

What whacky tabacky are you smokin? Think about it some more and come to terms with the fact that if you believe that people go to heaven, and/or people have a spirit then... you are in God denial not a person who doesn't believe in the existence of God. It sounds so ugly doesn't it? People want to say that they question if there is a God but want all the cool stuff that goes along with believing He is real. Maybe that is how people feel hopeless. I don't know, I am not a hopeless person. I know that everyone struggles to put the pieces of their lives together. Everything about our lives doesn't all have to make sense, being overly concrete maybe is what makes people say crazy things like a person is in Heaven but then try to deny a creator of heaven. As an educated person, I say go straight to the source, remember men were all created equal which makes me just as flawed as you.

Get Happy!

I've written and deleted like three posts already. I am slightly a mess. School is tough and on top of that I just want to finish. I didn't think it would be this difficult when the light at the end of the tunnel was so close. I just need to get happy. Listen to some music, write some poetry or something and live. I was almost prepared to stay in my distructive funk. What good will come from living in a funk do? I don't want to dwell in that place anymore. Running in the opposite direction does work.

Be encouraged my friend, take one day at a time, you'll make it. Hour by hour sometimes is all that we can muster, oh well, just keep going. Don't give up on yourself, you'll make it

Get Happy! That's what I'm gonna do.